In an upcoming article, I'll discuss how a congregation might feed and care for a "new" minister. But let's begin with a look at how to care for an "old" one. By "old," I mean someone who has been in ministry, especially at your place, for over five years. That might not sound like much, compared to some jobs, but when you consider the average tenure of ministers in the same location, it can be a very long time. With that said, here are some pointers for keeping that "old" minister you have hanging around feeling well-cared for.

First, be aware of the fact that this is an adult who has developed a stake in your community. When you've been somewhere for five years or more, you have established a pattern of relationships. You know where and what you like to eat. You have picked out favorite stores and other hangouts. If you have children, they are involved in school and/or other social activities when are young, and have developed some sense of your house as "home" as they age and move out. As a result, an "old" minister is someone who views him or her self as a part of what goes on, as opposed to an outsider who has been brought in to do a job. It should no longer raise eyebrows when she or he attend certain functions or do other things that "regular" people do, and you are not doing them any favors if you treat them like they ought to be kept in a jar, isolated from "regular" people.

Second, while this should not need saying, any minister who has been around for five years or more should be a "known" commodity. If you have reservations about habits that you do not like, if you have questions about their lifestyle, how they raise their kids, who they voted for, what kind of car they drive, what they do in their free time, what social events they choose to attend (or not), or anything else about how they spend their personal time, you need to get over it! Ministry as a profession usually means being poorly paid and living in a fishbowl. You do not need to add to things by putting your personal reservations and hangups on the minister, and pitching a fit when you are not personally catered to. As Herbert Bayard Swope once said: "I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time." So if you are expecting your minister to bend over backward for every little thing you want to see, and everyone else is, too, you can expect failure. It is not fair, and it is incumbent on you to work person to person with the "old" minister in order to resolve differences and better communicate - and you need to be able to handle the fact that you may be wrong sometimes.

Finally, and this holds true for all ministers, but especially old ones, don't be mean to them! I've already spoken out about the difference between a minister and a hired hand in an earlier article, but for a more experienced minister, you have to understand that they need the freedom to continue to grow and innovate; the time to take care of important personal issues; and the support to get adequate preparation and rest. What kind of advice do you hope to get for taking care of the members of your family from a minister who is not encouraged to take care of theirs? How profound do you expect preaching and teaching to be, if the minister doesn't have opportunities to travel, confer, consult, and study? How much energy can a minister bring into your life, if they are not encouraged to take sufficient time for personal re-creating, including the occasional sabbatical? A minister who is chained to a desk, who is on call 24/6/365, or who is made to feel that they absolutely must do everything if it is going to be done, is just asking for burnout. A congregation that doesn't invest time, funds, and encouragement in its ministers is not going to get everything they need from them, either.

One quick story here. I've worked in a number of churches, some of which were better to me than others, but the one thing that ultimately helped me keep going when times got tough was that I had a little file in which I could keep what was, for lack of a better term, my "fan mail." Every year or so, someone, usually a kind older person, would send me a card or a letter saying that they supported and prayed for me, and that they were generally pulling for me as I sought to minister with them. It got me through a lot of very hard situations. Have you ever sent that kind of personal card or letter to your ministers?

Give your old minister a chance to be a mature presence in your congregation, community, and world. Enjoy the steady hand of someone who has been with you long enough to begin to know your community, and have some feel for who you are as an individual person. Allow them the freedom and opportunities to be their best, and give them some grace when they are not able to give you what you want from them. If you take care of the "old" ministers in your congregation, they may do wonders for you.

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written by Sara, February 26, 2009

I am struck by the words you used as a pastor, "minister with them." How true! Are we not all called to minister to each other? Your last paragraph sums it up beautifully. As a PK I can attest that in ministering, caring and giving grace to your Minister, you are also ministering to the pastor's whole family. Thanks for sharing, David.

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